Probably one of the most awkward illnesses you can get is Glandular Fever. After putting up with a sore throat and an inability to swallow properly (ahhh, hugely important function) I decided to go to the Doctor. And after feeling the golf-balls I currently have for glands in my neck he diagnosed me with the glanj. He then went on to advise me that people most commonly transfer this delicious fever via the exchange of saliva through kissing. This statement was followed by a very pointed look.
So yeah, along with glanj he also diagnosed me as being a slut. Which was fantastic, even though he went on to say I could also get it from someone sneezing etc, I knew he had already made his mind up.
The bad thing about being sick is that I never actually look sick. I have puffy eyes but they're not that noticeable to people who don't stare at my face as intently as I do. Please see my sick face below, this was post a run because I felt lethargic. Yes I realise that is a symptom of glanj but I grew up on tough love, with a mother who didn't believe in common illnesses, one being Asthma.
Shit I was a cheap drunk, one cider 4 pills = happy place. Opps.
When I was about 11 years old I was diagnosed with Bronchitis Asthma, I can't really remember how it came about but I vividly remember being taken to the doctor and made to suck these horrid fumes through a mask. It was probably chloroform. The Doctor sent me home with various inhalers to take at certain times. I was quite clueless as to when I needed them. I remember freaking out at school because I started coughing and didn't actually know whether to take my inhaler or not.
My mother soon cleared it all up for me when she decided there was no such thing as Asthma. I remember taking my inhaler one night under her supervision and he saying "This is utter rubbish you don't need this junk, I'm throwing it out" in fact I remember our dodgy neighbour asking for them, so yeah my mum gave away my medication to a drug dealer.
Ever since then I've always been confused about whether or not I'm sick. As a child, if I was visibly sick as in vomiting/blowing my nose/lying on the floor dying my mother would believe me. Otherwise, I would not be taken seriously and sent on my way.
This indecisiveness has followed me through to adulthood. Thank you mum.
Once of the worst instances was when I fell off my pony and was actually briefly knocked out. I woke up on a pile of corrugated iron and barbed wire. Don't ask why this was in the paddock in the first place, my dads version of 'art' most likely. My mother came running down in a panic, genuinely worried about me. I had bitten down on the entire inside of my mouth and my gums were completely torn to shreds, as a result blood was pouring out of my mouth. The worst of it was my shin which collided with some metal and torn skin/muscle/flesh down to the bone. It was delicious.
My mother was in shock at my state, needless to say. However, she did NOT send me to the doctor, rather she sent me to the bathroom to be cleaned up. It was my school production that night, and instead of going to A&E for a tetanus shot I was forced to go the school production I so desperately wanted to be in to WATCH IT. Yes, my mother not only decided that my injuries were not major but I had to be punished by being removed from the production and forced to watch.
Oh the trauma.
Thus the person I am today that associates injury/medical issues with very negative consequences.
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