My rap career

So my career is something I mention a fair bit, you'll get used to it and if you stick around long enough I might say something funny. When you listen to as much rap music as I do you slowly start to believe that the only way to get to the top of a pile of Maybachs is to become a rapper. It's the only way. The sad thing is, is that I'm not alone in this philosophy. The world is over-run with road-workers-come-jay-zs. 

Anywho, there was a period in my life (that went on for far too long) when I was convinced that I was going to become a famous singer and/or RnB star. There was no other goal, I lived and breathed the idea of becoming famous. I used to go out onto my trampoline-come-stage in the backyard and perform to my millions... of soft toys, who acted as my mosh pit carefully lined up in front of the trampoline. 

It was magical. Yet, I think the funniest part of the whole thing was how embarrassed I would become mid-act in response to any REAL LIFE human beings who happened to have the misfortune of witnessing my performance (typically one of my parents). 

Probably the worst incident was when a recently-made friend came over for a play date. I was so strange as a child that I became quite desperate for friends and fresh meat was valuable. Especially precious were the friends who I got to before my twin sister who would often ruin my friendships with four simple words; "my sister is weird" - agh it's all it took to destroy my hard-work. Anywho, so the girl came over and witnessed me mid-performance, me belting out some 90s RnB to an array of soft toys strewn across the lawn. She froze, we locked eyes, she anxiously assessed the situation, I turned bet-root-red. It was bad. I lost her that day, and I've never forgotten that only true friends can accept how weird I really am.

Yesterday while day-dreaming at my desk I reminisced on my ambition to be a famous artist of sorts. And then I watched this video, which I feel accurately reflects my possible-rap career:

Similar to this photo/video my rap career would start off with good intentions. This young man also appears to have good intentions as seen, he is simply trying to take a photo of himself shirtless, perhaps to add to his modeling portfolio? As I said, good intentions. But like me, he failed in his attempt although the end goal is quite obvious it actually turns into something entirely different, it becomes almost satirical. He (I) seeks approval and shows a friend his photo/video and said friend sees the funny side and encourages him to put it online. The whole thing quickly spirals out of control and turns into a humongous joke. He (I) is then forced to have a sense of humour about the incident and laugh it off. Secretly we wallow in our own self pity with Taylor Swift on loop and 20,000 bottles of aerosol-style whipped cream.

It's a sad life for us tryers..

But then I just watch this youtube video and realise I don't want to be a white-girl-rapper and feel like a raging success again.